Shout out to my homies!!

Friends kick ass, that's all there is to it.  I've been in the Springs for 4.5 years and it's taken a while to make some friends.  I, of course, had acquaintances right away.  It's only been within the past 6-12 months though that I've made the type of friends that make the world go around.  You know... the ones you tell about your embarrassing problems (and we all know I'm open about poo and such), you can share with when you're vulnerable, and those that you call and say "Can we come over even if the toddler's screaming?" and they oblige.

Those friends.

Several months ago I was on the phone with one of my dear friends, who lives away and I was explaining how hard it is to have been here for YEARS and not have a real friend yet.  She made a really great point that helped me feel less inadequate, but it didn't take away my feeling of isolation or desire for a sisterfriend.  But, what she said put into perspective the fact that I'm a Mom and a wife.  I don't have the time to invest as quickly into friendship.  It made sense, but I hadn't thought of it that way before.  I guess I figured since I knew other Moms and none of us got to the point of comfort yet that we just weren't clicking or that I was lacking a friend-gene.  However, when she said that I realized the difference.  When you live in the same area you grew up, you have friends who you bonded with in your younger years.  The days when blossoming friendships were put into high gear thanks to excessive hormones, self-exploration, parties, television shows, and enjoying an empty house while parents were working and we were given some independence but wanted someone to be independent WITH us.  :-)

I was explaining to Zane, last week, that bad things have to happen in life.  I was telling him that without bad things, we wouldn't really be able to appreciate the goodness and that the different types of badness we experience and the different ways which we react to the badness ultimately build who we are and what type of lives we carry.  That every time a bad thing happens we get another choice to experience that badness with faith and sorrow or with bitterness and anger.

 A few months ago, some bad stuff happened to a friend of mine.  This particular friend is someone I like a LOT!  She's vibrant and excited and SO.FULL.OF.ENERGY.  She's brilliant and thought-provoking, she's inspiring, and she's WILD!  LOVE her!  But, again...I'd been missing that piece of whatever that leads to two people calling one another and making an individual plan.  I hadn't gotten to the point yet of being able to call her just to chat.  But, then... the bad something happened to her.  And she called me.  That was GREAT!  It's nice to know when people find comfort in you or they feel safe-for whatever reason.  She opened up a new level for me to feel comfortable with her.  Lucky me!  Oh, and all the bad stuff?  She's dealing with it quite beautifully and it will be an ongoing affair for her.  I have no doubt she will absolutely flourish from this.

Last month, bad stuff happened to my family.  It sucked and was terrible and we felt alone and vulnerable and scared and hurt and -insert tough emotion here-.  When a semi-friend offered to help us out by making us a meal I was floored.  I didn't want to add anything on to her life, but it was really nice of her to offer.  She also offered to take care of Stori if we needed while we tended to our matters.  It was hard and scary, but I accepted both offers.  I had a yummy meal in my fridge and a wonderful caregiver to help care for Stori.  I had been in the same stale-mate position with this friend prior to my bad stuff happening.  Every time I'd seen her I was so into her lifestyle, her way of being so demure, her inner-child that she let me see sometimes, and her laugh.  OMG, her laugh.  Greatness!  She's warm, loving, nurturing, and thoughtful.  But, I didn't know how to make the next step.  She helped me and after I accepted I've felt much more comfortable with our friendship growing.  She's a really great person and the one I called yesterday to invite myself, my tantrum-ing toddler, and my bored 7 year old to her house.  Spending time there yesterday was just what the doctor ordered and I let her know before I left.  "You know how I feel?  I feel like I CAN make it through the rest of this day!  Thank you."  <3 Greatness!

THEN..... last night, another semi-friend came over.  This one's a gem, too.  She's quiet and private.  She loves her kids like nothing else and she endured her husband's military deployment with grace.  She kind of keeps to herself, but she sure likes to be around others.  She's mysterious, but I know that whatever she's hiding is good stuff.  She's been going through a terrible month with her oldest daughter being very sick.  Again, she's being so graceful about it.  I don't know what her inner dialogue is, but I'm certain she's got some big feelings in there that she's not getting out.  She came over last night and there was much crocheting being done, some chocolate ice cream eating, some infant-breast-epic-battles happening, and lots of heart opening. She cried, she laughed, I cussed, she taught, I served, I watched, she smiled, we sat.  She shared some personal things with me and I shared some similar ones with her and I listened to others.  It was grand.  Last night was the most I've ever heard her talk and I look forward to more nights like that.  I keep praying for her and her family.  They're going through so much.  Jump over to the blog and see what she has to say.

My husband will always be my number one, best friend in the whole wide world.  He's inspired me to heal myself, to know myself, to accept myself.  He's loved me no matter what I've done, where I've been, where I've come from, or what I've experienced.  He holds my hand through middle-of-the-night anxiety attacks and holds my hand on ice-skating dates.  He thinks I'm pretty and he thinks I'm wonderful.  I think all the same about him.  Well...he's not pretty, but he sure is sexy-hotness!  I can share all things with him and I'm incredibly grateful to have be been blessed in such a way to have him as a partner.  Anyone who knew us through our courtship, engagement, and early marriage knows good and well we worked for this.  We both got vulnerable with each other, we both got honest with each other, we've spent time with marital counseling, and we just, plain old decided to be happily married.  We try to be considerate of one another and we've learned each other's love languages.  I think our marriage has taught me a lot about friendship in any context.

It's true that we may no longer bond over googly-eyes at our favorite television heartthrobs, and so, it will be more of a long-term investment to make solid friends as a family-woman.  I couldn't be happier about the people I've grown to love here.  They're all people who do live beyond the surface, which explains why it takes a while.  We can't just go around talking to anyone about the way we think, or the fears we have.  But, at some point...when we've decided that what we really want is to bond with someone, sure enough the energies will find themselves.  I'm feeling very blessed after the past month of struggle.  It's been one of the hardest months of child-rearing I've experienced yet and I don't know if this will get easier sooner or later, but it's so nice to know that at this point, God has provided me with the support I need to endure it all.

If you have a dear friend...new or old... call them today and tell them they rock.  Or write a big, fancy, blog-post, love-letter to them and say thanks.  For not only being my friend, but allowing me to be your friend as well.  It's a true privilege!

Why I don't hate Wal-Mart

:-)

This is SO open-ended now that my entire focus isn't on unschooling.  I have so many thoughts and so many passions that it's hard to choose which one to talk about, plus the past month has been CHAOS in our family.  So, I guess I took a break.  I thought of doing this post a couple of months ago, but thought...what does this have to do with unschooling?  So, I didn't make it happen.  Now, I don't have to follow any plan, so I'm just gonna spill it! :-P

I don't hate Wal-Mart.

Obviously, a LOT of people don't hate them, that's why they are what they are.  But, in the social circles I involve myself...I'm usually the only one who goes there. Weekly.  Mmmhmmm...I admit it.  I used to be SO embarrassed...humiliated...worried that I'd see someone there and they'd know my dirty little secret.  It's where I do a fair amount of my grocery shopping and almost all of my "household goods" shopping.  It's where I manage to make my husband's salary provide everything our family-of-four needs.  We don't have debt like most people do.  Our debt is 100% medical (and we have insurance!!)  We buy what we can buy and we don't "charge" anything.  If we need help purchasing something, we put on our grown-up underwear, take a deep breath, and ask our parents.  I think it's only happened a couple of times.  Why?  Because we live within our means.  Thanks Wal-Mart! :-)

I've done some serious comparison shopping(again...I'm kinda' really good at what I do-running this house.)  I've done the Whole Foods ingredient checklist, I've shopped there for produce, I do go there for my local honey, cheese-substitutes, and seafood.  I'm not anti-Whole Foods.  But, I do think their stuff isn't worth the LOADS of extra money it usually costs.

I've shopped Safeway.  Same brands on lots of things, but at significantly higher prices.

Natural Grocers has REALLY clean foods.  I LOVE that.  But, most of it is out of my price range and with two stores-each of them clear across town-it's simply not feasible for me to go there for much at all.  If I'm in the area, I'll swing by and get whatever produce they may have on sale that I can use.

Super Target is just stupid.  LOL!  Most of what they carry is ready-made stuff, they have very little that fits our family eating style, and they're overpriced on what we would eat

EVEN THE FARMERS MARKET sucks in some ways.  Last year, I made it my mission to find the best one in town, since we have so many on different days.  Well... most of them have the same vendors, so if you're wondering like I was...no worries.  The same ones go everywhere(smart, right?  That's their job, Shannon.)  What I did notice, though, was that more often than not, produce is not organically grown.  AAAANNNDDDDDDDD what really pissed me off was how many of them get food shipped in to them and they bring it over like it's local.  Jackasses.  Next time you're at the market...ask them for each item you want to purchase.  Ask 'em, I dare you!  "Did you grow this?  Is it organic?"  I got so many "no"s last year you can tell I'm still mad about it.  Grrr.  The local, free-range goat's milk cheese I was checking out, too.  Nope, the goats aren't really free range.  They have pens they're kept in.  So, why do they even say free range?  Cause when the goats aren't lactating they get to roam free.  But, when they're producing...they're penned.  Stupid.

What's this have to do with Wal-Mart?  This is how I see it: If I'm going to get food that's shipped in (like at the Farmer's Market), I'd like it to be clearly labeled where it's from (like at Wal-Mart.)  I know which tomatoes are from Mexico, California, and Argentina.  And, I can pick which one I want.  I also have a clear label for organic produce.  Woot!  No asking someone who may or may not be honest with me about it.  And, I do see the associates switch out the labels when new product is placed, so I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be true.  Wal-Mart knows most of their customers don't give a rat's ass where their food comes from, but they also know that some of us are watching and they're catering to us.  I think that's nice (and, well, of course... commercialism.)  I know that EVERY PACKAGE of seafood from Wal-Mart is from China.  So, I don't buy any there.  Gross!  They can't get lead paint right...I'm not eating food from there. PERIOD!  But, again...Wal-Mart tells us these things, in plain sight.  If we want to make conscious choices about food, we do have the option.  Now, I think I'm fortunate to be living in an area where people are more particular, because I can get the following at my Super Wal-Mart: locally-raised and packaged (although not free-range or loved, so I don't buy it, but again...my point is they're catering to us little by little) sausage, soy milk, almond milk, rice milk, goats milk (and organic of a few of those varieties), gluten-free pastas, cereals, baking mixes(I make my own and I'm not gluten-free, but...my point...), various organic produce, LOTS of Kashi cereal, cracker, snack bar choices, true free-range whole chickens, organic ketchup, organic canned veggies and fruit, as well as a whole myriad of food choices that aren't organic or local, but don't have a bunch of additives.  Really!

I know food isn't the only thing available there, but I think it's a starting point for what sets people's shopping experiences apart.  I also buy lots of baking soda there (we haven't used shampoo in, I think, 2 months and counting and I'll be whipping up my first batch of homemade deodorant here shortly as well as toothpaste.)  They don't offer a lot of clean products for keeping house-dish soap, laundry soap, regular soap, etc.  But, they do have most of the products necessary to make your own.  And if you make your own, you probably already have your favorite suppliers.  I don't really know.  I'm still using up all of my fancy detergents for cloth diapers and I use Dawn dish soap so I can help support the funds and supplies given to clean up the animals who fall victim to oil spills (the oil is still a problem, by the way... It's still there...just in case you forgot!)  As for clothing and toys, I prefer to buy second-hand.  Wal-Mart is no better than most other large retailers (they all get most of their stuff cheap, from overseas.)  But, I feel like I can't advocate enough for buying things USED!!  There's lots of really good stuff out there and it's still usable.  I can't stand the idea of how much is wasted and perfectly fine.  Again, we make our choices...  Everywhere.  With every purchase.

Does Wal-Mart ship in tons of things from overseas that are made cheaply, by (I'm assuming...)children?  Mmhmm.  So does Target, Toys 'R Us, K-Mart, and every other corporate retail store you can find (yep, even all over every mall in America).

Does Wal-Mart pay their employees "retail wages"?  Mmhmm.  So do so many other retail stores (and even locally-owned ones!)

Does Wal-Mart do everything they can to turn a large profit?  Only one way to go corporate...by being a CORPORATION.  Of course, they do.

Does Wal-Mart donate a lot of those profits to charities?  Yep.

Does Wal-Mart provide an opportunity for people to work even weird, odd, part time hours?  I can't say first-hand, but I ask employees a lot and they all say they're really flexible (a plus to NEVER closing, I guess.)

Does Wal-Mart allow people to sleep in their parking lots in their cars, RVs, trucks, vans, etc?  Yep.  Always have a well-lit porch if you need one. ;-)

I could keep going on and on and on, but it's late and I'm getting distracted.  My point, however, is that Wal-Mart isn't the devil himself and while the gargantuan status of the store is intimidating it's not all bad.  It suits our family very well as PART of our shopping experience.  Conscious choices can be made anywhere we go and, often, what seems "better" is really just equal with a different light.  So, there.  My secret's really out now.  

Oh.  And, sometimes you just want to eat something really crummy that's yummy.  At Wal-Mart...the choices are plentiful!

Why I believe in yoga

Flexibility is what keeps objects from snapping.  Enormous buildings are designed to be able to fluidly move with high winds or shaking ground.  If they weren't we wouldn't have any skyscrapers.  Yoga keeps our bodies flexible it keeps them moving.  It keeps our minds flexible and open to new paths.

I don't yoga as often as I'd like.  The computer pulls me in at night, my bed pulls me in in the morning, and Stori's naps are almost always for Zane and Mom time.  Although, those are just excuses anyway to be real.  I could make the time; we make the time for what matters.  Like unschooling our kiddos.  ;-)  Fortunately my past experience with yoga and my continual practice of the mental techniques in yoga have kept me somewhat flexible.

We're not unschooling.

Selfishly, I pout and I sad-face.  I really REALLY want to.  I want to be that family who does.  I want to be that Mom who does.  But, Zane doesn't want to and that's clear in a way that he doesn't even understand.  I'm a pretty darned open kinda' lady.  I like to be truthful and while I do have boundaries I also embrace the idea of opening up to the genuine nature of humanity and our human experiences.  I HATE closed doors and I HATE masks and I HATE facades.  I know we ALL have them, but that doesn't mean I dislike them any less.  While my first instinct at this time is to share all the details of our family's past two weeks, it's not just my details.  It's Zane's, Stori's, Jon's, and mine.  It's not my place to give away very intimate details that belong to someone else, so there's not too much more I can say.  Sorry.

What I can say is this...  While I don't want to walk Zane to school on August 18th, I will because that's what he needs.  I'd have been spending the last two months (or so) blowing a bunch of steaming horse-shit up your noses  if I didn't take a moment to recognize what Zane needs and what he's asking for then follow through on that.  This unschooling stuff is my deal, this is my desire.  Ultimately, of course, I think it's great for kids and I'm passionate about it, but the very basis of it all is hearing, respecting, and living up to providing what our kids need at any given time in their development.  So, in that sense I'm still living the theories of it all and like I said before, Jon and I have approached his interests in this way all along.  We'll continue to do that for him, as well as Stori.

So...  I'm going to keep blogging, because I enjoy it.  So there! :-P

What new thing do I have to say?  I feel blessed.  Like I said a lot has happened the last couple of weeks in our family.  Throughout it, some friends made us some meals which was AWESOME!  I've never had anyone make me meals before when going through something "big" in life.  IT.WAS.SO.COOL.  Coming home after exhausting days (part of which included myself having an emergency appendectomy, but that wasn't even close to the toughest thing that week) and having a wonderful, nutritious homemade meal full of goodness that I just had to heat up was awesome!  I also had a friend bring me fudge(YUM!), friends and family help with childcare, and a nice visit from a friend to just keep me company.  Awesomeness.  So grateful, so blessed, so ready to pay it forward!

Blessing part two: a friend's oldest daughter is in the hospital with some sort of terrible, mystery virus.  Please pray for her, or chant, or energize, or think, or whatever you do.  Well, she also has a brand new little bug at home.  As any of you could imagine, spending the night in the hospital is hard to do with ANY child, let alone two.  But, little bug is a little, bitty bug and isn't accepting bottles, as she prefers to nurse.  This friend and I have conversed a little about my wishes to be a wet-nurse before and she reached out to me today to see if I could help her out by taking little bug for the night so she could spend the night with her sick daughter, in the hospital just focusing on her.  YES!  THAT, my friends, is community.  THAT is knowing and recognizing that people care and not being too scared to ask for help, even when that help is something that many would nay-say.  Unfortunately, I am day two of a head cold and am certain I'm still contagious.  Clearly, we're not trying to infect this family with anything more than they're already dealing with and I'm bummed-beyond what I can express to you-that I couldn't follow through for her tonight.  The blessing is still there though.  Through my talking about things that I think really matter and can make a big difference in the world, EVEN IF they make people uncomfortable, I inspired a woman to know she had somewhere to go, someone to lean on during a very difficult experience.  <3<3<3<3  Some may think it odd to picture their baby nursing at the breast of another woman, but I think it odd to picture myself and my child not being provided what we need because of social norm.

Lesson:  Share what you've got.  Period.  :-)

New Directions

Last Friday I had a coaching session with Tara and it was great.  Not only is she super comfortable to talk with, but she "got" me and my struggles, I think.  She had a couple of really great solutions for me to implement, not only did she validate some of the things we already implement, but she also brought up things that are semi-related and ideas for solutions.  Yay.  :-)

First on my list : Fight for my kids.  This doesn't, obviously, mean go out and kick ass in their name.  But, it does mean if I'm embarrassed to do something they really feel they need I need to identify and get over what it is that embarrasses me.

Example : Zane has been continuously asking me to call his girlfriend and invite her for a playdate.  I've been embarrassed, as we've already called a couple of times and been rejected.  I don't want to seem rude, pushy, or like an idiot to her Mom by continuously trying.  But, why not?  Cause I'm afraid of what she'll think of me.  Why do I care?  I dunno.  Habit, I guess.  Why shouldn't I let this bother me?  Zane needs to see ME pushing for HIM.  Not for my own humility.  So, we called again.  And again.  We haven't heard back.  I've just decided that when he wants to call, he can call.  If they respond, great.  If they blow us off, he'll figure out it's her issue.  But, he'll know it's not ME standing in the way.  Good stuff.

Second on my list : Listen to what HE wants.  Don't get me wrong...  I'm not to any point of wanting to give him everything he wants.  That is NOT what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about LISTENING to him.  So often, I don't.  I hear him request something and I don't listen to why or what.  He is intuitive as well.  In fact, it's long been my belief that all children are immensely intuitive, but are trained by us to not be.  We want to tell them what they need or what they want or how they feel, starting right away.  When infants cry we say to them "It's okay, you're alright."  Guess what...  If it's okay and they're alright they wouldn't be crying!  We tell our toddlers they don't WANT to walk off the edge of a porch.  Yeah, they do.  They want to find out what happens.  Rather than hold their hand while they walk off and help them if they fall or startle we tell them what the hell they want.

Example : Zane wanted to camp in the backyard a few nights ago.  I'm all for it generally, but that particular night I didn't want to camp out, so I told him no.  He was quite persistent, but always in a respectful manner.  I explained to him that I didn't want to camp out and what does he come up with?  "I can camp out by myself."  Now, this is a big deal because he's at the age where quiet night time is intimidating to him.  He feels alone.  Not so much scared of monsters or the like, but just a fear of feeling alone at night.  I asked him if he was sure and he insisted he was.  I finally agreed and set up his tent.  I didn't believe he was going to do this, I just didn't.  But, I didn't tell him that.  I was totally supportive TO HIM and let him know if it didn't work out for whatever reason he, obviously, could come in at any time.  I left the back patio light on and poor Rootie had to spend the night outside to guard Zane.  I read him his bedtime story, as usual, but in his tent and hoped for the best.  That child slept out there all night long.  I couldn't believe it.  I still barely can!  He wakes up pretty frequently needing help getting back to sleep in his bed but he knew that he was ready to do this really big thing and thank goodness I listened to him, because he felt SO good about himself in the morning the pride was nearly spewing from his pores!

Third on my list : Say YES!  I've been working on this already, for quite some time but there's always room for improvement.  It's a big habit.  It's a bad habit.  It's a way of parenting.  You ever notice how a LOT of parents get really frustrated with THEIR parents for saying "yes" to the grandchildren so much?  This is what I think...  I think grandparents say yes because they realize in their grandparent-wisdom and experience that they said "no" to their kids too much when they were young.  They were worried about wet floors, muddy shoes, hyper kids and in the end of it all when their nests became empty what makes their hearts sing in memory is the time they said "yes" and they had fun with their kids.  That's what I think.  I'll let you know in a couple decades (or less!), but that's what I get from it.  This goes hand in hand with both number 1 and number 2.  It ties into so much of our experiences and I am thoroughly looking forward to more yeses!  Most kick-ass thing happened today, too when I said yes.  Zane TURNED DOWN A PIECE OF CHEESECAKE!!!!!  Usually he eats any dairy he can get his hands on, because he's very restricted on it.  But, he turned it down.  AWESOME!  AWESOME!  AWESOME!

Very important to note!!!  I feel it imperative to the publishing of this post to say that these are all examples of things I've found myself to need help with.  This was inspired by my coaching with Tara, but not direct instruction from her.  Should you feel you want to begin unschooling or even want to speak with someone about issues you have, regardless of time spent on your journey thus far, please, PLEASE contact her for a coaching.  During our conversation my brain just opened up to all sorts of solutions and even problems I didn't think I was having.  This post is not intended to advise you on anything you should choose for yourself or your family, but rather to share what we're experiencing and inspire you to become self-aware and a conscious parent.

Unspoken Lessons

I encounter the same thing that I'd imagine a LOT of unschoolers encounter.  Supportive yet unsure family members.  Since I have very little biological family and a few less active in my life I don't even count "Jon's side" or "my side."  I'm super blessed to have awesome in-laws who have actually gone through difficult times with me with more respect and love than my own family have.  So, to separate them, to me, is useless.  No one has said they disagree with what we're doing, but I'm fairly certain most of them aren't really buying in to it and that is fine.  Everyone's being lovely and open-minded, at least in their communications with me.

So today during a Skype call, my father in law asked me(or Zane, but he was in hyperactive mode so I think it was for me), "What've you done in school today?"  My "deer-in-the-headlights" and "super cautious about this whole thing with you cause I'm not sure what you are expecting or hoping from it all" response was "Nothing, we took the day off."  But we didn't.  We just didn't learn things that I think he wants to hear about.  Rather than telling him and feeling insecure, I didn't tell him and felt insecure.  HA!  Silly me...  Good news: This very way of not standing up for one's self to an "authority figure" was a lesson for Zane today.  Read on...

I've been looking for a pretty cheap, but smooth, level, and even pool table for Jon for about a month on Craigslist.  I finally found one this weekend that looked like it'll be perfect.  It was in the basement of their house and had been purchased by Mom for the hubby and kids to play with.  Many a beer had been spilled on it and nicks all over the wood.  BUT, it was level, the felt was in good condition aside from the stains, and all the pockets were in good shape.  So, we went to pick it up today.  We loaded it up (arrgghh!  hear me roar!!), said our thank-yous, Zane got bit by their effing dog, and we went home.  We took it down from the truck bed and, with my super-nose, I smelled cat.  Bad.  Now, I smelled it while we were in their garage too, but they had an outside cat and I just figured the poor thing pees around the perimeter of the house and maybe in the garage.  I asked Jon if he smelled it too and he said yes, so we proceeded to sniff the whole thing out to distinguish if this was the smell of stinky-outside cat or cat pee.  Most was stinky-outside cat, but Jon was the lucky one and stumbled upon the pee. Damnit!  We made a quick decision to NOT keep the table and loaded it back up on the truck to bring it back to the folks who left out this major downside to their item.  Grrr.  My point?  This type of thing is VERY hard for me to do.  I struggle when speaking to any superior, be it an older adult, a parental figure in my life, a boss-man, I even get the SHAKES when pulled over by the police and I have a clean slate!  But, I took it back and I did not hesitate and I did not get scared and what the hell does this have to do with teaching Zane a lesson, you ask?  He asked why we have to go back.  I told him about the cat pee.  We got there and when the neighbor said "hi" (who he had spoken with while we picked it up) his response: "They sold us a table with pee on it."  Atta boy!  Lesson: speak up with confidence and pride when you have been done wrong.

Getting back to the dog thing...  Zane also learned that you don't go near a dog with puppies, because they are protective.  And, no I don't mean he learned this by cause and effect (duh, Shannon...can't count that as any unschooling lesson.)  When it initially happened I was upset, obviously.  In fact, I was pissed.  I was mad at myself for allowing him to stay inside the door and look at them after I told him to come out and I was mad at the people for allowing their dog to get close enough to him.  I was mad at Zane for not coming out with us when I told him to.  I was even mad at Jon for letting the kids trust dogs so easily (I am afraid, by nature but Jon'll pretty well let any dog lick either of the kids in the face and it drives me NUTS!)  Mostly, I was mad at myself.  So when it happened, my disappointment came out to him, "Honey you can't go close to dogs when you don't know them without me." We finished loading quickly, and while I was driving home I realized how crummy I had just been to him.  As soon as we got home, I asked him to come to the porch with me and put it simply, "When you got bit by that dog I think you really just needed a hug from me and I chose, instead to try to give you a lesson in dog safety, which was really bad timing.  -grabbed him for a hug-  I'm sorry you got bit.  Was it scary?" "Yeah..." "Did it hurt really bad or did it scare you more?" "It scared me more; a whole lot"  "I'm so sorry Zane that she bit you."  Simple.  How many times a day do YOU look over the lesson of love or compassion with your kids?  Is there really any lesson more important here on planet Earth?  Not only was this here, but because I chose it poorly and I failed at my first opportunity another lesson was given: You can mess up and think about it and come back and do it right.  And NOT cause anyone made you do it.

Later, we both proved the value of that event.  UN-intentionally!  Zane was playing Lego Star Wars on the computer and having a really hard time with one specific thing, which he did fine on the XBOX.  He was crying and semi-yelling about it so I came to see what was going on.  He told me what he was struggling with and I suggested he give it a break.  Nope.  He didn't want to.  He was sucked into it.  I offered my help.  Nope.  He didn't want that.  He wanted to "get better at it by trying."  So, I marched my bootay up to the kitchen, grabbed two popsicles from the freezer, and marched my bootay right back downstairs.   I sat down, half across the room with them in hand and while he was still engulfed in the game, I gave this totally rockin mini-speech:  "Zane, you know... sometimes I'm having a really hard time with something, but I just KNOW I can do it and even though I know I should stop and take a break I refuse to, cause I really, REALLY want to get it right.  Sometimes, I'm so focused on that one thing it seems like there's nothing better to do anyway.  I wish that when that happens someone would bring me a popsicle so I could just get away from what I'm doing."  Of course, at popsicle, I had his attention.  "Come over here, let's eat this popsicle and talk about dogs."  He came.  We talked a bit about dogs and their body language.  We sword-fought with our popsicles.    We enjoyed our popsicles and our time together.  And when we were done, he got back to the computer and chose a different level to play.  I NEVER MENTIONED EVEN A MERE SUGGESTION TO THAT WHILE WE ENJOYED OUR POPSICLES!!!  I was only there to distract him and enjoy him.  And he got it!  He took care of himself and made a choice to do something positive for himself and I had made the choice to parent consciously. It was a beautiful moment.

Much later, after our Skype session with Grandpa, Zane had become way overstimulated and had a rough time for probably about half an hour.  During that time he said some things, didn't listen, told me he's the boss, etc.  A general fit.  I disengaged and waited it out while doing something else until I was ready for our walk.  We started walking, still with very few words being exchanged, and about 5 minutes in or so I hear from behind me "I'm sorry for being mean and not listening and saying rude things."  "Whaddya mean Zane?" (I don't accept lip service; I want to know if he's "saying sorry" or recognizing his mistake.)  "Well, I should've listened when you told me to stop jumping around and I know I shouldn't have thrown the marbles across the room.  I didn't go upstairs cause I was too mad and then I tried to be the boss."  "Thanks Zane, that means a lot."  -hug-  "I'm really proud of you for sitting back and thinking about what happened and I'm so glad you wanted to come back to me and make it right."  Done.  Onto sticks, chipmunks, cacti, and dinosaurs.

There was even more thrown in here today too.  But, these were the big, meaningful super lessons from today.  It's really ends up being one long, all day lesson.  Which is the very point of doing all of this.  Most of us don't take the time out of our day to interact with our kids enough to see what is happening in the big picture and draw lessons from that.  We're often too busy with telling them what to do all day so we can make it through our days.  Me too, by the way.  I'm not up on a high horse telling you why you suck!  I'm telling you what I think I do that sucks and why I want to change that.  My kids matter and I want them to know that.  We can learn it all, together.  I'm really looking forward to talking with Tara on Friday and getting some help with a couple issues we've been having, including my hesitance in talking with potential nay-sayers.  I usually LOVE causing a ruckus and speaking freely about why I do what I do, but I'm having a tough time right now.

By the way...

Saturn has no hard surfaces to stand on.  Crazy cool, huh??
Giraffes are transported in custom-designed trucks that have adjustable roofs in the back to make room for their necks.  They drive and just before going under a bridge the driver has to pull over, crank the roof down slowly which gently forces the giraffe to lower their head, drive under the overpass, pull back over, crank it up to allow the giraffe to stand straight again, and on the story goes until the final destination.
Sedating a giraffe will cause it to die because it's neck head will be down to long.
Giraffes sleep standing up
A food web is different food chains intermingled in any given ecosystem
Photosynthesis (which Zane sounded out while reading!!!!) is when a plant turns sunlight, water, and air into food
Plants have the highest concentration of energy out of any living thing

Lazy parents we are not. :-)

I don't tout myself as an amazing parent and I question what I do almost daily, but I do think that overall I do a pretty good job.  I think I'm so very inspired to do that because of the lack of parents that I had, the lack of parents I see a lot of kids have, and the difficulty in the beginning of my relationship with Zane.  There's a lot to make up for and I guess ultimately what it comes down to is if I'm going to do this (raise kids) then I'm NOT going to half-ass it and I'm going to do my best to not screw them up to the core.  You see I wasn't sure I'd be raising Zane myself until very late in my pregnancy.  I was almost completely certain he was going to be adopted and I knew who would be adopting him and so much of that was the simple fact that I don't know how to raise kids.  I was 19, drunk, and high on whatever I could get my hands on when I got pregnant.  Fortunately for the both of us, I've always been able to know right from wrong, especially when it came to other people, so the drugs and the drinking stopped as soon as I knew.  I couldn't wait to get them back, since that's what I knew and what I was good at.  The concept of teaching someone life was beyond untouchable.  So, when the potential adoptive family pulled out, I freaked!  I hadn't let any of my family know that I was considering adoption yet, because I knew they'd all be disappointed and mad at me or worse, want to raise him themselves.  All of a sudden I found myself in a foreign country.  I was against the whole idea of putting him up for adoption to someone I couldn't know, because my thought process was "I'm doing this so someone can do a good job.  If I don't know if they will, then isn't it at least better to end up with your screwy biological parent rather than your screwy adoptive parent."  This meant I was keeping him all to myself.

I think I did a lot of things terribly wrong during the first couple of years.  In fact, I didn't become a conscious parent until a while after I met Jon.  Some things about this man and this boy tell me that God is with me and every decision I make no matter what.  Jon was the first person in my life to love me FULLY and show me that I rock (which I still don't fully believe, but regardless...that's what he's showing me.)  That, in turn, has inspired me to have the belief in myself to be the parent I know my kids deserve.

So when I get questions or hints at the thought that maybe I'm a lazy parent I get equally mad, sad, offended, unsure of myself, confident, and excited to keep on doing what I'm doing, which is constantly self-analyze and evolve right along with the kids.

Having two lazy parents myself, I know good and well that the LAST thing a lazy parent wants to do is spend time with their children.  To think unschoolers could possibly be lazy is crazy talk.  This is a fuller-than-full-time job.  And, I know.  I've worked full time while raising Zane and I've stayed at home both while Zane was a baby for a short time and now that I have both kids.  Being home with kids all day, every day is more demanding than anything I've experienced before.  Rest assured.  :-)

Adding the full responsibility privilege of the children's education on your willingness to LISTEN to them is no easy feat, my friends.  What was easy was waking up at 6am every day, making breakfast, making lunch (keeping in mind we don't really do packaged foods, this is all FOOD being made) packing some papers into a backpack, rushing Zane through his morning routine usually involving some sort of meltdowns, coming home to spend time with Stori and Jon, volunteering many hours at the school, juggling nap around school-out time, picking Zane up from school, forcing him to do homework even though he just finished 7-ish hours of schoolwork, making snack, resting for a bit, making dinner, family walking, spending time with Stori while Zane played with friends or games or whatever else he wanted to, baths, showers, put Stori to bed, listen to Zane read me a Story, read Zane a story, supplements, goodnights, relax.  Repeat.  That was easy because it was monotonous.  It's easy to do the same thing over and over again.  It's annoying, frustrating, and BORING too, but easy no less.

What's not easy is keeping our brains active and going without forcing the issue.  It's not always easy to inspire a child.  Much easier to "make" a child (do this or that).  Not easy to find all the answers the child wants.  Much easier to let the teachers do it for them.  Not easy to decide what you're doing out of habit and programming and what you're doing intentionally from a conscious decision.  Much easier to do what the magazines, books, masses tell you to do.  Not easy to teach lessons from all things that happen.  Much easier to yell when children don't do the right thing and then spoil them out of guilt.  Not easy to face the scrutiny of people who think you're lazy.  Much easier to go with the flow and hide in it.

I think when people think of us as lazy it's because we allow our kids to learn what is appropriate for their brains and hearts to handle at any given time.  I've just recently heard about this and haven't read too much into it yet, but am super drawn to the idea that we learn different things and different ways at different stages in life.  I've thought that myself and am so turned off by the ideas of teaching babies to read, toddlers their ABCs, or preschoolers math.  That may LOOK like we're sitting back and not doing anything when in all actuality there's a LOT of observing, thinking, planning, and dialogue going on.

Ultimately, I think the whole thing comes down to being symbolic of a language barrier.  There are parents who hover and are on top of everything their kids do and there are parents who observe and are into everything their kids do.  These two types tend to butt heads a lot because both have their filters through which they see the others and since both parties ARE conscious parents and both parties are trying to do things RIGHT but both parties are doing things in opposite ways; they tend to believe they can't get along or even accept what the other is doing.  When in all actuality these two forces are just part of the symbiosis of basic physics.  For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  We are all doing the same, opposite thing.

That being said, I'll make you a deal...  I'll recognize and embrace the fact that you have a story and a reason behind what you consciously choose to do without looking at your choices with disapproval and you reciprocate that for me.  Game on??  ;-)

It's like diarrhea...

A friend-ish of mine said that to me a few months back when we were talking about my anxiety at the time and how I was going through some emotional turmoil.  Since I was "in it" I found it frightening to think that it may not fade away.  She, like me, sees the world energetically and was giving me the reminder that all this was was a heavy energetic cleansing happening in me and that afterward I would feel so much better.  Like diarrhea.  Sucks when you're having it, but when it fades your body has been cleansed to a degree and you feel so much better after your body has fought off the cause of it.

The past couple of weeks have been like diarrhea with the food thing, the processing, the fits, etc.  Transition, ugh.  Anyhow, last night I realized that we have gotten off of our most successful path of guiding Zane which is our point system.  Now, I knew we had because at the end of school I brought it up to Jon and said we needed to come up with a whole new tally for the system now that school won't play a part in it (this would be happening even if we weren't transitioning to unschooling, just like our budget-it takes an evolutionary path.)  Well, we didn't do it, and we hadn't done it, and I just didn't want to do it by myself.  I like that a lot about Jon and me; we really like to be on the same page with parenting and the kids.  So, to do it myself just didn't feel okay and we both were avoiding it day in and day out.  We decided last night that we'd do it together and today we did.  I typed it up, printed it out, slipped it in a plastic cover that his school gave me an award in and called it DONE.  Whew!  Now, we observe it and decide over the next week or two if we need to make any adjustments in it.

The simple act of DOING it made me feel tons better.  Sharing it with Zane and discussing parts of it with him to get his input while we were doing it felt great.  Everyone checking it out at the end and agreeing that we were all happy with it made it done and I am glad.  Now I feel like I still have some direction in what we're doing and how we're managing every day life and I wonder if Zane has really gotten so used to it that he felt that too, as this was a pretty darn great day.

I had diarrhea in Target a few days ago and it wasn't nearly as comfortable as when I'm at home.  It's nice to have something familiar, especially when cleansing!  Now that we all have our familiar "bathroom" hopefully we can continue back to the way things have been here for months which was much more peaceful, a greater sense of partnership, and a bit of a closer bond.  Now that you know a bit about my digestion as of late I hope you sleep well.  ;-)