Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Let's talk about sex.

I haven't gone here yet.  Mainly because I started this about unschooling and then things changed.  Now I don't really know what I'm blogging about.  HA!  I can guarantee one thing though, it'll almost always be opinionated.

I have strong feelings about sex, too.  :-)

In fact, we all do.  It is the most intimate of interpersonal energetic exchanges.  It can carry many faces, many pressures.  Sex is never boring.  Even boring sex.  And we ALL have boring sex sometimes.

Have you ever really thought about your feelings or thoughts during sex?  Do you remove yourself sometimes?  Do you think about your grocery list?  Your dinner? Your penis? Your feet?  Your performance?  Your kids and their challenges?  Your partner's performance?  Your breath?  Your breasts?  Your relationship?  Do you bond with your partner?  Do you bond with YOURSELF?

A short while ago, I was introduced to this movie about penises.  I watched it and thought it was great.  It truly hurts me to know how sad men are about their penises.  Maybe not sad, but insecure.  That's not fair, in my opinion.  My take on the subject?  Size does matter, of course.  One inch won't do much, doesn't matter how you work it.  Equally, 10 inches seems like it'd be painful.  I say YEOWCH!! at the thought of it.  I think, however, the vast majority of penises aren't 10 or 1 inches.  Of course I haven't compiled a list of measurements, nor have I performed a study on the subject (official or otherwise).  But, I have girlfriends.  I have a sister.  I have gay friends.

I also have someone who trusted me recently to talk about his sexual trouble.  While I fully respect his desire for anonymity I think it's a damn shame how much we are all afraid of talking about things WITH THE SAME SEX.  Like we have to measure up to one another or something.  Admittedly, women don't seem to be as uncomfortable with this and share a lot of insecurities with one another.  What is it in the nature of men that make them compete unintentionally?  I don't know.  But, it makes me sad.  Watch that movie and be brave and recognize that we women walk around all the time with the size of our breasts up for public display.  I've never met a single woman who's single because of her breast size.  Nor have I heard of a woman who got breast cancer, lost a breast (or two) and ended up being alone forever.  Guess what.  Wouldn't happen to men either.  So STOP BEING WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PACKAGE!!!  What's going on in your pants is not going to be a deal breaker or a deal maker for the things in a relationship that succeeds.  I promise.

There is also the problem with a shit-ton of women afraid of doing this because they think they should be doing this.  We're truly shown all.the.time. that we are supposed to be the latter to be sexy or attractive.  But, we're told all.the.time. that the prior is truly magnificent.  We're all confused and while we know that the first is perfect, we feel imperfect for being those women.

Bring into play all the emotions we have about who we are totally unrelated to sex, our obligations to family, work, friends, our partners, and what we want for ourselves and we can't even begin to believe that ANY of us could possibly begin to think that sex is simply an "act" to be done.

Yet, this is portrayed with the overuse of the word sexy.  I think people have forgotten that the root word of sexy is sex and it's meaning is a direct correlation of the "act".  People are sexy, movies are sexy, music is sexy, dancing is sexy, frickin hair is sexy.  Now maybe I'm the only one, but...  I've never been mid-sex and my partner stopped to play with my hair.  Or start dancing.  Or watch a movie.  Also, this is super honest but I'm a pretty good dancer.  Actually, I'm a really good dancer.  And, I do mean club dancing.  "Sexy" dancing.  In exploring my sexual nature I've definitely tried to move my body in the same ways I do when I dance.  Dance moves do NOT make good sex, let me tell ya!  ;-)  So, sure.  Sexy dancing looks sexy, but it doesn't have anything to do with sex.  Now if Beyonce's thinking about groceries AND trying to dance during sex...  I wouldn't want to participate.  HA!

I haven't really explored my observations on energy and experiences in this blog yet, because it's so hard to put into words, but I'll be working on it because it's pretty well the way I live my life.  To try to put it simply, however, I think we all need to be a little bit nicer to ourselves and each other about sex.  There are very few people in our lives that we'll share our sexual nature with (even in conversation) but it's something we all are and have.  We (almost)all get naked to the core with lights on and share ourselves with a partner at some point in our lives.  We allow someone else's body into ours or we place a part of our body inside of someone else's.  That's big.  We ought to stop being so judgmental about it all and we ought to step inside of ourselves and notice who we are during sex.  How we are during sex.  What we are during sex.  At any given time.  And explore that part of ourselves.  Super challenge: pay close attention to your mind and heart when you masturbate.  You'll really get to know yourself then.  Compare that with sex and you won't have time for any blog reading.

Because it's really fucking fascinating.

And for my new segment...
***If you really knew me, you'd know how complicated my sexual feelings are and how a large part of that comes from the complete dysfunctionality and lack of boundaries my parents had in our family when we were still all one family.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Coming out of the Closet


I've been in hiding a little bit.  Not really on purpose, but with lots going on in different arenas.  So much in so many places that it's been hard for me to sit and focus on writing anything, especially since all of my life intertwines within itself.  So, what am I coming out about?  Well, Zane has RAD.  Reactive Attachment Disorder.  Terrible/Great news!  Our parenting of him has taught us a ton over the past four years.  We've never stopped trying to help him or our family.  We never will.  For once, though, we have finally come to a diagnosis that actually FITS!  100% fits.  Why this matters?  Well, because now we can get it, really GET IT.  We can help him in a way that we haven't been able to before.  We're finding support from an online community of parents who are doing this too.  We do have a little twist in our story, because most children who have RAD are adopted, but that's not entirely true in our case.   Regardless, now that I've come out about it and said it, I can now feel free to speak openly about that and become part of the community that has helped me so much over the past few months.  YAY.

Jon and I have been working hard on getting our business up and running.  Our goal is to open and fully launch in November.  There's a LOT more work to be done yet.  Whew!  What started off as a great idea of some pants and a website has morphed into a reality and there's a ton of work that goes into it.  We're having fun learning new things, working together on something other than parenting, and watching each other accomplish things.  It's been really nice for our marriage, particularly because we're enduring enormous amounts of stress with parenting with very little outside support.  Experiencing all of this with him just feeds my already overfilled cup of gratitude!  We are so very blessed to have one another as partners and I love that all of these things brings us closer, not against each other.  Thank God.

Stori's been developing like a...well... like a toddler.  She's talking up a storm, helping with chores, being ever more affectionate, and her imagination is going wild.  She's also fallen absolutely in love with her BFF and she talks about "Baby River" almost every day.  I honestly didn't know that toddlers fell in love with their friends in this way.  Haven't experienced it before.  Very cool.

Lastly, after all of our chaos in June...  we're certain we'll be home/un schooling Zane at some point next week.  School is NOT working this year and the stress on all of us is too much.  It's also working directly against the way we need to progress with our parenting to attach with him and guide him into healthier relationships with people and, most importantly, himself.  We came to a decision today which is that we talked with Zane and let him know he seems to not know what he wants.  He says he wants school, but he's not doing his school work.  He says he doesn't want to home school, but he doesn't want to go to school.  So, we said...  Yo, if you want to be in school do your school work, if you don't want to be in school then come home.  Since you seem confused, we'll help you.  Three more days of refusing your school work and we'll home school.  Today, he decided to not to his school work.  Two more days.  We'll see, but I'm pretty sure we'll be at home next week.